shattered once
died twice
the world is founded
on naught but lies…
broken vows
broken dreams
a life not fair
and full of schemes…
walking without knowing
giving without taking
trusting and believing,
loving…. then … dying…
🖤💔🖤💔🖤💔🖤💔🖤💔🖤💔🖤
August 12, 2011, 11:27 PM
I stopped crying as soon as I saw his face.
I could not believe he had a smile on his handsome, white face. I was more astonished when I saw him threw his head and laughed at a joke that he comfortably shared with the officer who was obviously more friendly than the one I have.
What was he laughing about?
As far as I’m concerned, I saw nothing funny in our situation. As far as I know, my situation was not a joke. No, it was not funny at all. He caught my eyes and the merriment on his face died. Then came the cold and emotionless stare. The same look he gave me when the officers dragged me to their patrol car about an hour ago.
Did I really love this man?
I felt sick in my stomach, I thought I was going to throw up. I stumbled to the wall to steady myself. Then I heard my guy in blue saying, “Are you okay, Miss?” I wasn’t really sure if he was blind or just plain stupid to ask me such a dumb question. I would bet my last dollar on the latter.
Did I look like I was okay?
I imagined I must look ghastly. My hair was disheveled, my nose was red, my eyes looked like they’re about to fall, my lips were cracked. I have contusions on my neck and wrists and a concussion on my head. I wasn’t wearing anything to protect my feet and I was walking around in handcuffs, crying myself to death; pleading, begging these heartless bastards to give me back my son; and that is just the physical picture, I didn’t even know where to begin with the mental and emotional ones.
And he asked if I was okay?
I stared at the officer in disbelief and said nothing. I didn’t think I could have mustered intelligible phrases at the moment as my throat won’t allow me anyway. However, my stare may have had some effect on him as he looked away looking embarrassed. Another officer came and asked me to follow him to my second patrol car ride for the night. What a treat! He is taking me somewhere for the night because I don’t have $650 in cold cash to bail myself out. The thought of being in a jail cell sent shivers to my spine, I felt myself panicking. I could feel the tears on my cheeks and the lump on my throat. I couldn’t believe this is happening to me.
Step out of the vehicle and move towards that door.
The emotionless officer authoritatively spat his words out, taking me back to the present predicament. I felt numb and unable to move. The officer impatiently grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the vehicle. He then gave me a little push, so I would start walking, which I did, slowly and painfully with my bare feet. The officer decided to get the “most heartless” award of the night and dragged me towards the door, muttering that he didn’t have all night to deal with me. I made it inside the Honolulu Police Department and then everything went like a blur. I remember signing a document for my personal belongings, not like I have a lot – just a wallet and a phone. I was then handed a heavy roll of unpleasantly smelling and grimy looking mattress. I must have looked confused and stupid, not knowing what to do with the roll. The lady officer, not trusting my perplexed face, thinking all along that I am just one of those rubbish, lawless criminals who is a threat to the society, gave me a look that was meant to tell me “move along”, without moving her lips.
Move where exactly?
I think I am going to faint. My head is spinning. I am going to faint. I heard some screaming and felt some hands on my back as the last flicker of light vanished from my sight. The last thing I saw was my son’s teary face as he was screaming for Mommy.
Please… I beg you… give me back my son.
