For the Love of Music... and Lyrics ❤️

It is true, in all my relationships, I have "tried to resist being last" on the other person's list. In fact, I always find myself proving that I am worthy to be the number one on that list, but that never did happen. There was always someone or something else before me. I've learned to get used to that place, that lonely place, where I feel like I'm "living all alone" and no one is going to be there for me when I need them the most. It's not a good place to be. It never was and never will be. I need to get myself out of that place.

"I'm stronger now,
I've learned from my mistakes which way to go,
And I should know."

That's all we can really do, learn and get stronger as we go through life. We made mistakes, and we will make more. And we won't make the right moves right away after one mistake. We could make another mistake, and then another, and then some more. It doesn't mean, we never learned, it just means, we're taking it one day at a time; and as long as there is progress, no matter how small it is, we're getring somewhere. Don't let other people tell you you're dumb or stupid or that you never learn from your mistakes. They don't live your life. They don't know what you're going through. They don't understand your internal battles and struggles. You do.  So don't compromise your beliefs, and your principles, and whatever it is that pushes you to do you, just to show others that you're not making another mistake anymore. Life is a journey. You'll get to that destination one day, someday. You're doing awesome! 

It's probably not a secret, "that there's an empty space in my heart." Just one look at me, and you probably already know that. It's not really that I think you have a magical power to look at me and see me for who and what I am. It's more like I think, you probably also think of me and look deeper into me to see how empty I feel inside. Just you knowing this about me, makes me feel like I'm probably important to you.

It's such a familiar place for me. It always feels like "I was lost in the dark, with my lonely broken heart." I am not sure if a successful romantic relationship just isn't for me. As a hopeless romantic, that is unfortunate. I always go into a relationship with the intent of marriage, a lasting thing; and yet, I always end up alone, with my lonely broken heart. Somebody will always come along, but when will that somebody be the last one, the forever one?

"The hardest thing I've ever done
Is keep believing,
There's someone in this crazy world for me.."

In a rare moment of weakness, I bawled like a motherless child last night... and all it took was a picture. A picture! Not even of people I know. But of random strangers that, for some cruel reason, just appeared on my social media feed without any warning whatsoever.

The picture showed a very attractive man looking so lovingly at his woman, as if saying, "You are the most beautiful woman in this universe and I am lucky you are mine and I an yours." Then the caption reads under the photo."What my queen wants, my queen gets."

And just like that, I felt a painful stab on my chest, and my eyes began to swell with tears. All of a sudden, I was bawling like a lunatic.

For a minute or so, my shoulders shook in despair as tears kept flowing from my eyes, and my throat hurt like I just swallowed an apple.

When the tears subsided, I realized I was not crying because I was hurting. I was crying because love is truly beautiful and that my hope and faith remain - that there is someone out there for me who will love me and cherish me forever. It's never easy to keep believing. But yes, I believed it and will always believe it. He will come. Someday.

"I never wanted anyone like this", yes, that sounds crazy. Especially when it's all "brand new" and  that when you set your eyes on them, you also set your heart on them. Just like that. Everyone has some kind of crazy in them - bad or good. But "crazy" has been synonymous with toxic lately, and therefore it's got a bad and negative meaning now. But sometimes love can make the word "crazy" sound so beautiful. And when you're crazy for a certain someone, when you're crazy about their beauty, crazy about their personality, crazy about their smile, their laughter, their voice, and the way their eyes twinkle when they tell you stories, crazy is beautiful.